How to Handle Rude Neighbor: My Rude Neighbor

My Rude Neighbor

Close-Quarters Complaints

Your grievance: "They borrowed our hedge trimmer [or croquet set, snowblower, etc.] and haven't returned it for three months."

Don't embarrass or berate your neighbors; simply present yourself at their door and ask them for the item. No need to apologize; after all, it's your property. Say, "I'm planning to do some work in the garden this weekend, and I just realized you have my hedge trimmer. While I'm here, can I get Alex's bike pump too? Thanks!"

Your grievance: "Their daughter wants to be the next Ringo Starr -- so she practices the drums until midnight."

There's nothing like earsplitting noise to generate local ill will. But bring up the problem in a friendly way and you'll likely get some peace and quiet. Say, "It's great that Dana is learning to play the drums! Problem is, the noise makes it difficult for our kids to get to sleep. Would it be possible for her to wrap up practice sessions by 9pm?" If the aspiring rock star does comply, remember to thank her or her parents the next time you meet.

Your grievance: "Their dog uses our yard as its bathroom."

Pet owners should be diligent when it comes to scooping the poop. To emphasize this, many communities have rules regarding animal waste. Say, "Mr. Taylor, Fido has been relieving himself on our lawn. We'd appreciate it if you could clean up after him. Thanks!" If a polite conversation gets you nowhere, you still have a few options: Ask again, seek help from the homeowners association (if you have one) or contact your municipality to file a complaint.

Your grievance: "She's such a gossip: When she isn't dishing about others, she's trying to get the dirt on what's happening in my family."

While the neighborhood grapevine can occasionally be a good source of important news -- about a friend's illness or the upcoming sale of a nearby home -- most gossip is intrusive. Discourage this nosy Rosie by changing the subject or refusing to listen. Say, "Joan, I won't hear you speak like that about Mary. She's always saying such wonderful things about you!"

Your grievance: "When they did renovations, their contractor battered our bushes."

Say, "The people working on your home did some damage to our rhododendrons -- I'm hoping we can come up with a fair way to fix the situation." Ideally, they'll offer to pay for repair work or replacement bushes. And do unto others: Tell neighbors in advance when you're planning a home-improvement project. That way, they can be prepared for a certain amount of noise and mess.

More Close-Quarters Complaints

Your grievance: "She has a garage sale every weekend."

Check with your town office -- local ordinances may set limits on how much selling can be done. If that's the case, approach your neighbor in a friendly way to let her know the rules: "Eileen, I'm not sure if you're aware, but the village allows residents to have no more than three sales a month." If that doesn't help, you can report her to the authorities.

Your grievance: "Their kids use our basketball court without asking."

If the kids are 10 or older, speak to them directly; otherwise, talk to the parents. Say, "We love to see your kids playing basketball, but there are some safety rules we need them to follow." Specify times when it's okay to play. Or, install a flagpole and let kids know that when the flag is raised, it's "game on."

Your grievance: "Whenever they have parties, their guests park in our driveway."

Smart neighbors know that the best way to avoid complaints is to invite neighbors to the festivities! If yours don't alert you, call the day after their fete and say, "Some of your guests used our driveway last night. We couldn't get out but didn't want to interrupt your fun. Next time, could you please remind your visitors to park in the street?" If you get blocked in again anyway, notify your neighbor right away that you need to have the cars moved so you can get out.

Your grievance: "Their garbage blows all over the neighborhood."

Be direct. Call on trash day and say, "Marie, because of the wind, your garbage has been drifting and ending up in other yards. I thought you'd want to know." Suggest that she get a can with a lid. And be sympathetic: "I used to have the same problem. Luckily, there's an easy fix!"

Your grievance: "They haven't mowed their lawn in weeks! It's making the whole neighborhood look bad."

If they've maintained their yard until now, something may be distracting them, like a serious illness or a death in the family. Say, "I haven't seen you out mowing lately. Is everything okay?" If they're having tough times, consider pitching in. Otherwise, go on to say, "I thought you might like the phone number for the Randalls' son. He's been doing a great job mowing several lawns on our street this summer, and his prices are very reasonable." Hopefully, your neighbor will get the hint.

The Good-Neighbor Top Commandments

Thou shalt always make an effort to welcome the folks who just moved in. Introduce yourself, and if you'd like to go a step further, bring something small, like flowers or a plate of freshly baked cookies.
Thou shalt not gossip about those around you -- even if you can look right into their living room window.
Thou shalt not take advantage of a neighbor's expertise, talent or tools.
Thou shalt not let thy pets run free -- Fido isn't everyone's best friend.
Thou shalt call before visiting and stay for only a reasonable amount of time.
Thou shalt be aware of how the state of your property affects others. So trim your lawn and bushes regularly and keep junk out of the yard and driveway. If you're going to install a pool or an outdoor floodlight, consider the impact it will have on those nearby.